My future in PR

I have a friend. Her name is Aggie. She is a size 0 yet she eats more than a whole football team put together. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make a business out of her. I became inspired by a documentary about the heaviest woman on Earth - she weighed nearly a ton. She died shortly after her gastric bypass, but she has appeared on all possible shows and has media attention on her for several years.

This is the plan: Aggie will become the heaviest woman on Earth. It might take a couple of years for someone like her, but it will be possible to work this into a profitable business.

She will become a master in ALL x-box games (and all other game devices except Wii because that might result in her loosing the weight), and she will earn money by playing against other people online (and whatever other methods there are, this will be her responsibility).

As her manager, I will start a myspace, youtube, twitter and facebook account under her name. We will post videos, comments and pictures.

A fund will be opened in her name, and a tv-channel will be started. We might be talking reality TV here, too.

Maybe she will guest star in a show starting with O and ending on H (she might hate the idea now, but this will be good for the publicity of her book). By being on big day time shows, other shows will open their doors for her. Jerry Springer, Rachel Ray (who else to ask for baking recepies of not Aggie the Gigantor?), Ellen DeGeneres will welcome her with open arms once Aggie shares her concern for the Gay Community in Europe, and the Late Night Shows will love her quirky sense of humour.

She will have "lines" which we will copyright, such as "I eat to mute my feelings", and everytime someone says that, we will make money. T-shirts will be designed with her typical saying when she eats "Nom nom nom". It will be available in all sizes (even XXXXL) and several different colors. We will have Pamela Anderson model them with nothing but the t-shirt on, too. Courtney Love can hold a speech at the fashion show, because she brings in the necessary scandalous publicity and she can mutter something incoherent.

Japan will create a Tamagotchi in her name. The sole aim of the Tamagotchi will be to feed Aggie, and if you don't, she slowly grows thin and unhappy. It will have catchy songs and interesting applications.

Aggie is going to publish a book about her struggle with the world and how everyone fails to understand her.

She might have to change her name to somethng more catchy and flowing.

Aggie the Agatator (catchy?) has to also create a dramatic family history. If she does not have a drama filled family, she can always borrow a friends family story and use it as her own.

Eminem can sing about Aggie and her hate towards the world in one of his songs.

Shane Dawson can makes spoofs of Aggie.

Playstation will request game consultations with you, because you will master all games and game devices.

The Agatator will need a private plane, since she won't be able to deal with the public and because she won't be able to fit into a normal one.

Eventually the Agatator will have to check herself into Celebrity Rehab for the abuse of food. Which will end in drama.

Aggie will say retarded things a la Mariah Carey you'll say retarded things.

Perez can host Agatators events, if it turns out to be necessary to add extra drama.

Several pea-brained hot models with be Agators boyfriend's. They will take half-naked pictures of themselves which will leak onto the internet, hence causing more drama leading to the increase of her book sales.

Aggie will demand an OBESITY Conference with the United nations, to eliminate the discrimination against extremely-super-obese people.

Of course Nelson Mandela and Barack Obama are going to be present to discuss this important issue.

Through-out all of this, the Agatator will act her part as the apathetic, emotional celebrity.

THIS is how Aggie will buy her first mansion in Italy.